Step 6: Stress, resilience and hard things
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"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius
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Stress
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When faced with a threat, your body produces two stress hormones: cortisol and adrenaline. Thousands of years ago, this response was essential for survival. When these hormones are released, your body taps into stored sugars for a quick energy boost, your heart pounds, your instincts kick in, and you run, protect or fight.
Fast forward to today, and we no longer face daily threats from predators or spear-wielding tribes...well, not often, anyway. However, our modern lifestyle still stresses us out even more frequently than the odd real threat.
We worry about bills to pay, bosses to please, homework to finish, keeping kids happy and safe, preparing dinner, losing a game, tidying the house before friends visit, and countless other concerns. Our bodies still produce the same hormones, but instead of running or climbing a tree, we find ourselves sitting, worrying, or panicking. Over time, this can become overwhelming and lead to chronic stress.
According to research, chronic stress can cause a range of issues, including insulin resistance (when muscles stop accepting energy transported by insulin). This can lead to Type 2 diabetes, weight gain and a lower life expectancy.
Stress can also disrupt sleep quality, which, in turn, exacerbates insulin resistance. As we know, this can seriously affect both our health and longevity even leading to dementia.
We all experience stress from time to time...it's part of life. But in our fast-paced society, how can we reduce stress in a way that makes it, well, less stressful?
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Two words: -
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Resilience and Positivity
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A common trait among long-lived individuals is resilience and positivity. But what exactly is resilience?
Optimism: Resilient people tend to maintain a positive outlook, believing they can overcome obstacles and find solutions.
Confidence: They have a strong belief in their abilities and trust in themselves to succeed, even in the face of challenges.
Persistence: Resilient individuals don’t give up easily; they keep pushing forward, persevering through difficult situations.
Adaptability: When confronted with a challenge, resilient people adapt and view it as an opportunity for growth or change.
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Welcome to Step Six
Over the next week, we're going to:-
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Lower our stress, become resilient and get hard things done!
Step 6 - Part 1 - Journaling
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You've already started food journaling (I hope), but now we're going to expand on it.
It might seem like a chore, but journaling can help you more than you expect, with proven benefits.
Start small if you like, and build from there. But stay consistent, and it will become a habit. Each night or morning, stay off your phone and write down your thoughts and feelings. Get off your chest whatever is on your mind such as something that happened at work or at home. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare; it can be as simple or as detailed as you like.
You can buy journals with useful prompts to guide you. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to write, but don’t worry, just write what you can. Some days it comes easily, and other days it doesn’t. It really doesn’t matter; the important thing is to get whatever is on your mind onto paper.
Here are some prompts:
Gratitude – Write down a few things you're grateful for. Positivity can help shift your mindset for the rest of the day if writing in the morning or help you sleep if writing before bed.
A happy memory – More powerful than a photo, write about something funny, a proud moment, or a special event. Looking back on these in years to come will be priceless. We all smile in photos, but writing down exactly what happened and how you felt at the time adds deeper meaning.
How do you feel? – This emotional check-in helps acknowledge emotions instead of bottling them up.
Triggers – Has anything stressed you out? Writing about it can help give you clarity on how to cope. How have you dealt with similar situations in the past?
Self-advice – If a friend were going through your stresses, what advice would you give them? Now, write down that advice to yourself.
A daily win – What went well today? Even small wins can help build confidence and reduce stress.
Mindfulness – Write about something you may not have noticed before. This helps bring you into the present.
There are many more examples online if you’d like to explore further.
Positivity is like a muscle...the more you use it, the stronger it gets. ​​
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Step 6 - Part 2 - Stress reduction
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The Free Longevity Plan is not about patching you up, it's about preventative care. So, in this section, rather than 'manage' stress, we're going to 'reduce' it in the first place using Control, Empathy and Opportunity.
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Practice Control
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"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius
Whenever you feel stressed, ask yourself: Is this within my control or outside of it?
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Take a job interview, for example. You can research the role and company, prepare thoughtful questions, choose your outfit, and plan your journey to ensure you arrive early. These are all things within your control.
However, you can't control whether your train gets cancelled, whether the interviewer is having a bad day, or whether they’ve already chosen another candidate and are just going through the process.
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You have two choices: you can worry about all these uncontrollable factors, or you can focus on what you can do and trust the rest to fate. In fact, go one step further and embrace uncertainty and learn from it.
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We face situations like this all the time...worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet. Will enough people turn up at the party? Will my laptop stop working during a presentation? Will we have bad weather on holiday?
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Remember: you can prepare for some things, but if it’s not in your control, don’t waste energy worrying about it.
We cannot control the past and we can only prepare for the future. We cannot control how other people feel towards us but we can control how we feel towards them.
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Finally, unless your job requires it, avoid watching the news. It’s overwhelmingly negative...wars, famine, and disasters, most of which are completely outside your control. Making them your concern will only add unnecessary stress to your life.
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The same goes for social media. Constant exposure to clips of car crashes, muggings, and crimes may seem harmless, but over time, it can subtly contribute to anxiety or even mild trauma. On the flip side, seeing others on luxury holidays or their fourth trip of the year can trigger jealousy...a negative emotion that serves no real purpose.
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If you don’t need the news or social media as part of your job, consider reducing your exposure or stepping away entirely. Your mental well-being will thank you.
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Control is not about bottling up or ignoring emotions, it's simply reducing what you worry about in the first place.
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Anxiety is worrying about things in the past (not much you can do about that now) and stress is about worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, again, no point in worrying about that. Focus on the now and what you CAN control.
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Practice Empathy
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You're driving, and suddenly, someone dangerously cuts you up. The frustration of not being able to communicate (except maybe with a 'polite' hand gesture) can be infuriating. You want to explain why you’re right and they’re wrong. But letting that anger consume you can lead to your own reckless driving, unnecessary conflict, and, in extreme cases, even health risks like panic or heart attacks. Overall, this adds stress to your life.
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But why let it get to you? You may think you can teach them a lesson. But ultimately, that person is out of your control. They are who they are - for good or bad.
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The next time this happens, instead of stressing yourself out and getting angry, try shifting your perspective.
Maybe they’re in an emergency. Maybe it’s a stressed dad rushing to drop his child off at school after an argument. Maybe it’s a woman about to lose her job for being late again through no fault of her own. Maybe they never had the same courteous upbringing as you. Or maybe... they’re just simply a twat. Who knows?
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Remember, every random passerby is living a life as complex as your own filled with their own struggles, thoughts, joys, and pressures. Recognising this can help put your own frustrations into perspective, making it easier to let go and you will feel better for it.
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A common trait among Blue-zone centenarians is religion. I'm not suggestion to become religious if you're not already, but empathy 'love thy neighbour' etc is a big part of religion and perhaps why these groups are less stressed, sleep better and live longer. So, practice this in your own way.
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"we suffer more in imagination than in reality" - Seneca
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Practice Opportunity
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“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” - Marcus Aurelius
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This quote means that challenges aren’t just barriers; they are opportunities for growth or diversion. Instead of resisting obstacles, we should use them to our advantage by learning, adapting, and becoming stronger because of them.
In 2020, when the pandemic hit, I was working for an event production company. One of the first industries to shut down and the last to reopen. We were on our knees. I remember my boss, on the verge of giving up after 20 years of building the business, when I quoted this line by Marcus Aurelius. That moment sparked an idea, and we set about creating a new branch of the business. As a result, what seemed like a devastating obstacle became our path forward. Not only did we survive the pandemic and keep people employed, but we also developed new skills and expanded in ways we hadn’t imagined coming out of the pandemic stronger than when we went in. It also gave us a chance to do things differently, as if starting again, and be the company we always wanted to be.
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This mindset applies to any situation in life. When an obstacle stands in your way, embrace it. Ask yourself: How can I use this to my advantage?
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Many of my friends work in banking, and at some point, they’ve all faced redundancy. It’s a moment that often brings stress, fear, and uncertainty. But in every case, that worry didn’t change the outcome...they were merely passengers. Yet, without exception, redundancy turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Time and again, I’ve heard them say it was the push they needed to change careers or take the next step. What seemed like an obstacle became the path forward.
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A smaller example from my own life: I used to stress about missing a training session, worrying that I was falling behind. Recently, when I was unwell and unable to exercise, I could have felt frustrated. But while my body wasn’t at its best, my mind was still fine. So instead of dwelling on what I couldn’t do, I used that time to focus on other priorities, like working on this website, catching up on business tasks, and tackling admin. My illness kept me out of the gym, but the setback became an opportunity for productivity elsewhere.
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There are many ways to manage stress, including meditation and other techniques that we’ll explore in the next steps. But for now, focus on shifting your mindset and embracing these positivity techniques.
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Step 6 - Part 3 - Doing Hard Things
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​Doing hard things is, umm, hard. That's why we don't do them. We all have to at some point, but in this day and age it's rare. And we tend to leave them to the last minute increasing the time we feel worried and stressed over something.
For most of human existence we would have had to do hard things daily or we wouldn't have survived. And they had to be done ASAP. Trekking for days hunting animals, foraging through the bug ridden wild, enduring harsh winter conditions without permanent shelter, making tools, dealing with conflict, washing in freezing waters and all while raising children. You wouldn't have even had a chair to sit on when you got home. If you can call it a home.
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As part of this step we're going to introduce 'hard things' back into our life. Humans evolved to do hard things and by avoiding them we make ourselves weaker both mentally and physically.
I could write forever on all the great reasons to do hard things but here are just some bullet points:-
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Reduces stress and anxiety - by forcing you into the present moment to do 'the hard thing'. When you're focused on something, other thoughts disappear and it helps us overall to stop overthinking. It recalibrates what is worth worrying about.
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Strengthens the body and immune system - physical hardship can activate hormesis, which can make you stronger and boost your immune system, overall health and increase Longevity.
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Build mental toughness and resilience - facing challenges teaches us how to handle adversity and stress without breaking down. Research shows mental resilience is built through controlled discomfort. Sooner or later we all face hardships (loss, failure, illness, even war), this prepares us for that moment.
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Motivation and dopamine control - Research shows pushing through something hard (like studying or a workout) strengthens self-discipline and helps create long term success. After all, if everything is easy, our brains get lazy.
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Confidence - the more 'hard things' you conquer, the more confident you become in handling life's uncertainties and gives you more control over life.
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Patience - doing hard things can develop delayed gratification and patience teaching you to value doing term rewards over short term comfort.
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And many other reasons such as learning to problem solve and adapt. Increase meaning and fulfilment plus re-connecting with our evolutionary roots.
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But the biggest proven reason is ultimately doing Hard things makes you happier. The sense of achievement after completing a hard task cannot be replicated in anything else you do.
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I'm sure many of you are already doing hard things, because you have to. But in this step let's introduce some more to really toughen our minds and body.
Dr Andrew Huberman (Neuroscientist) talks about the neurobiological benefits of doing things you don’t like...especially when done voluntarily. This process rewires the brain and strengthens dopamine reward circuits in a way that improves motivation, resilience, and mental toughness. Note - they have to be things you don't like. So, if you love going to the gym, it's not the same as if you hate going, but go anyway.
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Here are some ideas Huberman suggests:-
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Cold Exposure (cold showers, ice baths) – Increases dopamine by up to 250% and builds stress tolerance.
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Delayed Gratification (e.g., fasting, deep work before rewards) – Strengthens self-discipline.
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Hard Physical Exercise – Improves mental resilience, motivation, and focus.
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Doing Boring or Tedious Work Without Distractions – Trains focus and patience.
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Other examples could be going through all your bills and streamlining expenses, cooking and preparing all day on a Sunday for all the meals throughout the week, or a DIY task you've been meaning to do.
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Daily Task - every morning this week - at the end of your shower turn it fully to cold and stand under it for at least a minute, fully submerged. Don't turn it back to warm but simply end your shower. Tell me how you felt after?
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Weekly task - Write down something in your Journal you keep putting off, big or small, and deal with it ASAP. Tell me how you felt after?
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A final thought
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All the things mentioned above and in all the steps can come down to one thing - Neuroplasticity - which is the brain’s ability to change, adapt, and rewire itself in response to experiences and learning. It means your brain isn't fixed as it's constantly reshaping its connections based on how you use it. So, use it wisely!
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"waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one" - Marcus Aurelius
Further reading and research sources:-
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1. On Stress, Insulin Resistance, and Diabetes
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): This page explains how stress can affect your blood sugar levels and make diabetes harder to manage.
2. On Sleep, Stress, and Dementia
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National Institute on Aging (NIA): This article details the link between a lack of quality sleep and the buildup of beta-amyloid, a protein associated with Alzheimer's disease.
3. On Resilience and "Blue Zones"
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BlueZones.com (Official Site): This is the official page describing the "Power 9®"—the nine shared lifestyle habits of the world's longest-lived people. It includes "Downshift" (stress relief) and "Purpose."
4. On Journaling for Stress Reduction
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University of Rochester Medical Center: This is a health encyclopedia page detailing the mental health benefits of journaling, including managing anxiety, reducing stress, and coping with depression.
5. On Avoiding News and Social Media
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American Psychological Association (APA): This press release discusses the "Stress in America" survey, which found that constantly checking electronic devices and social media is linked to significant stress.
6. On "Doing Hard Things," Hormesis, and Cold Exposure
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National Institutes of Health (NIH): This is a scholarly article from the NIH's library that defines hormesis as an adaptive response of cells to a moderate stress (like exercise or temperature changes), which is beneficial.
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Huberman Lab (Stanford University): This is the official topic page from Dr. Andrew Huberman's lab, which explains how deliberate cold exposure increases catecholamines (like dopamine and norepinephrine).
7. On Neuroplasticity
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Johns Hopkins Medicine: This is their main health information page on the anatomy of the brain, which explains the concept of neuroplasticity (the brain's ability to change).